5 Must-Ask Questions Before Getting Back With Your Ex

It’s been months since that heart-stopping moment. The one where the love of your life looked into your eyes and said they didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. The aftermath was a blur of tears as you mourned what you thought would be forever, accompanied by endless nights with only chocolate and reruns of Bridget Jones’s Diary to keep you company. But gradually, after scrolling through countless TikTok videos on how to get over your ex, you’ve started to envision a life without them.

Just as you began to embrace this newfound independence, out of nowhere, your phone lights up with a message that sends your heart racing. “Can we talk? I miss you.” Suddenly, the world seems to tilt on its axis again, throwing you back into a sea of uncertainty. In an instant, any progress you’ve made becomes threatened by the resurgence of old feelings. Now, with those six little words, you’re left wondering what to do next. Do you reopen old wounds to explore the comfort of past love, or protect the healing you’ve fought so hard to achieve?

Deciding whether to rekindle a romance post-breakup is a quandary countless individuals face. It’s never a simple yes or no question — each relationship carries its own set of complexities and histories that make this decision uniquely challenging. That’s why, when pondering whether to give love a second chance, it’s important to dive deep with some soul-searching questions. By asking the right questions, you can peel back the layers of emotions and practicalities to uncover what’s truly best for both parties. Whether it leads you back into each other’s arms or onto separate paths, at least you will have covered all bases.

To guide you through this decision, here are five questions you should ask yourself to fully understand the dynamics at play and gauge whether you’re both ready for round two:

1. Are the Issues That Resulted In the Breakup Now Resolved?

Before you even think about getting back together, it’s important to be confident that you’re not just heading for a repeat of the same old patterns. Reflect on what initially drove you apart. Have these concerns been addressed and overcome? Chat openly with your ex about the strides each of you has made towards change. Also, get clear on whether you think it’s enough to keep things smooth sailing from here on out.

2. Do I Want to Get Back With Them Out of Habit? Or Can I Truly Not See My Life Without Them?

It’s no secret we’re creatures of habit. We’re often gravitating towards what feels familiar — even when it’s not the best for us. Breaking away from someone can feel as daunting as kicking a bad habit, especially when emotions blur the line between comfort and true connection. It’s important to distinguish whether you’re just addicted to the nostalgia and routine they represent, or if they’re actually someone you can’t imagine your life without.

3. Is It the Actual Relationship I Miss, or the Idea of What We Could Be?

It’s all too easy to fall in love with potential or the fantasy we construct in our minds about what love should look like. However, as unromantic as it may sound, it’s necessary to ground these dreams in the reality of the other person’s actions and the true nature of the relationship. Carefully consider whether your longing is for what actually was, or for a vision that never fully materialised.

4. If I Knew There Was Someone Else Out There for Me, Would I Still Entertain the Idea of Going Back?

Often, the hardest part of letting go is the fear of the unknown and the worry of ending up solo. This is why being sure that someone more compatible is out there has been known to make it easier to walk away. So, ask yourself: Is this desire to reunite about true love, or are you just looking for a safety net to avoid life’s uncertainties?

5. Are Our Core Values and Life Goals Still Aligned?

Despite what people say about relationships being all about compromise, they’re actually more about alignment. However, as people evolve and change, it’s natural to sometimes outgrow each other. That’s why it’s key to get clear on whether what you want in life and for your future is still in sync, or will you end up spending the rest of your life clashing over the fundamentals?

As you contemplate these questions, remember that getting back with an ex is never a decision to be taken lightly. It takes commitment and dedication on both sides to ensure you don’t end up in the same position as before. So, are you ready to give it another shot, or is it time to turn the page and start anew?

Nicole Colantoni is a dating and relationship expert. As POPSUGAR Australia’s dating columnist, Nicole will share updates on dating trends, advice, and answer all your burning questions. Slide into her DMs to share what you’d like her to answer next. Nicole hosts a podcast, Love Uncensored: The Modern Guide to Dating & Relationships, which you can learn more about and listen here.

5 Must-Ask Questions Before Getting Back With Your Ex

1. Are the Issues That Resulted In the Breakup Now Resolved?

2. Do I Want to Get Back With Them Out of Habit? Or Can I Truly Not See My Life Without Them?

3. Is It the Actual Relationship I Miss, or the Idea of What We Could Be?

4. If I Knew There Was Someone Else Out There for Me, Would I Still Entertain the Idea of Going Back?

5. Are Our Core Values and Life Goals Still Aligned?

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