Struggling to Explain the News to Your Children? We Ask an Expert For Advice

As I sat listening to the news of a mass stabbing – leaving three children dead and eight children and two adults injured in hospital, after attending a Taylor Swift dance workshop – in Southport, North West England, I felt numb. How is it possible three children went to a dance camp one morning and will never go home? It seems unfathomable, heartbreaking and the pain for so many is completely overwhelming. I also can’t stop thinking about all the other children in attendance, and those in the local community, who may not have lost their lives on Monday, but certainly lost a part of their childhoods that day.

The news really hits home for me, not only as a mother of an eight-year-old and a six-year-old, both booked into camps throughout the summer so I can work, but also as a former dance teacher who ran classes and camps for ten years. Looking back I can remember all the risk assessments that would take place in the halls we hired. Looking at the fire exits, ensuring children couldn’t run out the building, first aid kits and ice packs on hands, meticulously ensuring every medical form was filled in and emergency contact information accessible. Parents send their children to camps to not only have fun or learn something, but to know where they are and that they are safe. As the person running those camps you have a duty to do everything to ensure they are confident in you. I know those teachers would have done all of the above too, yet they are both currently in a critical condition in hospital after an incident which would have been inconceivable before Monday. And my heart breaks again.

For anyone that teaches young people it may be a business, but it is so much more than that it is a passion and a belief that you can benefit local children and communities. It is understanding that you’re giving young people a safe space to be themselves, to be happy, to be free. I can’t seem to put into words just how cruel this feels. I will never be able to get the images of those three beautiful girls out of my mind and the overwhelming feeling that somehow we have failed them.

My daughter walked into the room as the news announced Taylor Swift’s response to the incident, once again showing she is pure class and confirming my newfound Swiftie status, her ears immediately pricked up at the mention of her idol and asked, “What is that about?” I switched off the TV instantly and tried to ignore the question and the heaviness in my chest. How could I possibly explain this to her? As a parent all you want to do is protect your children from the harsh realities of life, you want them to remain innocent for as long as possible. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about being honest and truthful when it comes to talking to your children, but this? I can’t get my head around it, so how would she be able to. It was then I realised if I couldn’t find the right words, then there are probably hundreds, if not thousands of parents thinking the same thing. In all honestly you can only switch the news off so many times. Especially in the days of social media, where our children, or their friends, can be exposed to information without us knowing, it is not a plan.

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In the past when the news has been heavy I always tell my children to look for the helpers, as they will always be there. It can feel like the world is a dark place at times, and it is, but if you can offer any form of help, whether that’s just love or a prayer, then you are helping to bring some element of light. It is not possible to bring back those children or prevent the pain of those families and the local community, but if you can offer support, or even reassurance that they are not alone, then you should.

This feels like a pin prick in an ocean of pain, but if you’re struggling to get your head around this and if you can’t find the right words to explain this to your children I feel you. For those wondering how to respond to questions, or feelings, which may or may not come I have reached out to educational psychologist Dr Patricia Britto for her top tips on how to speak to your children about this, and other hard topics.

Experts Featured in This Article

Dr Patricia Britto Educational Psychologist

“When children and young people hear about challenging incidents, it can be challenging for them to process.” Dr Patricia Britto tells PS UK. She explains that this can present itself in many ways from nightmares, to withdrawing or becoming hyper vigilant. It can also present in physical signs such as headaches and stomach aches. “It is important to validate any feelings children and young people may have about a challenging event,” she tells PS UK. “Children and young people are likely to feel safe when they feel validated, seen and heard and that their reactions are understandable and not penalised.”

According to Dr Britto, it is not enough to just ignore or hide children from this type of news. “Adults need to be prepared as children and young people can get information from their friends, social media and others about a particular incident,” she explains. “Therefore, it is ideal to check what they already know and clarify any misconceptions.”

She recommends thinking things through with your children and young people by exploring their worries. “Please don’t fall into the trap of trying to protect them so that you avoid talking about the event,” she urges. “Children and young people will likely benefit from talking about what’s happened as they seek reassurance, comfort and adult support.”

Dr Britto believes children and young people need a truthful explanation that makes sense of the main facts after an incident, which are age-appropriate. “Even younger children can benefit from being given a description and explanation of what happened using drawings, age-appropriate books and role play,” she tells PS UK.

“If someone has died, explain what that means by using visual illustration and storytelling of the scenario in a calm and nurturing way. Often, children and young people can take time to accept the reality of death, mainly if it happened in a traumatic way, and adults will need to give them additional processing time,” she explains.

It is also important that grief and shock doesn’t just go away overnight or after an explanation, “It is to be expected for children and young people to be upset for weeks after a shocking personal, local or national incident,” she tells PS UK. “However, if negative feelings continue after some time, please seek further support from the relevant health, social care and educational agencies.”

For anyone who would like further advice please check out Parent Action and for children struggling with grief Winston’s Wish are on hand to help.

Lauren Ezekiel is an associate editor at PS UK, where she writes about all things beauty and wellness. With a degree in journalism and 12 years’ experience as a beauty editor at a leading Sunday supplement, she is obsessed with skincare, hair and makeup, and is often found offering advice to innocent bystanders. Her work has been published in Grazia, OK, Health and Beauty, The Sun, ASDA, Dare and Metro.