When I was 25 years old, I decided to get breast implants. I had been wanting them for at least a decade, ever since I was a teenage girl going through puberty. It seemed like all my friends were getting taller and growing breasts, but mine just never came in. I felt like I was waiting patiently. I liked that I had a nice butt, but felt my upper body was lacking. I wanted to be curvy and thought I would feel more confident if I could fill out my clothes better and be happier with what I saw in the mirror every day.
It’s a very costly procedure and for the longest time, I didn’t have that kind of money just lying around for superficial purposes. But in 2011, I could finally afford to get the breast implants I always wanted. I got a loan to use for nursing school, but didn’t end up needing all of it for the program, so I used part of it to finance my breast implant surgery. The procedure ended up costing around $6,000, which I paid for with that loan and a CareCredit card.
I was also part of a clinical trial for the implants I ended up getting, which were the “gummy bear” cohesive silicone implants that had been used for a while in the United Kingdom but still weren’t FDA-approved in the US. I had to travel to Dallas from my home city of Houston to see a doctor who was a part of the trial and had those specific implants available. I wanted this specific type because they were supposedly more “real-feeling” than previous types and came in a tear-drop shape that was more natural-looking compared to the rounder implants traditionally seen.
My then-boyfriend and my mom both supported my decision to get the implants and accompanied me to Dallas for the trip. My ex, in particular, was pretty superficial about looks and was excited to have a girlfriend with bigger boobs. My mom has also done things to improve her appearance over the years, so she was on board with me doing whatever made me happy, sans judge. My dad, however, told me he didn’t think I needed to do it and that it could be dangerous, but to go for it if it made me happy.
I didn’t go dramatically larger in size, just from an A-cup to a C-cup, which was a pretty modest increase. Post-surgery, I went back home to Houston two nights later, and while the recovery was manageable, I felt uncomfortable – like an elephant was sitting on my chest. I couldn’t lie flat or workout for a while, and had to take pretty strong pain medication to manage the pressure I felt in my chest.
Even once I recovered, I never fully got used to the implants. I’ve always been very athletic, and I felt like they got in the way of certain exercises. I also didn’t like the way I looked naked; I felt like the implants didn’t look proportional on my frame, even though they were my natural shape. I felt like I’d gone to all these lengths to make the right decisions and not go too big, and they still didn’t fit me. They were also harder than natural breast tissue – they didn’t bounce or move in the way they naturally would if I laid on my back. They just looked and felt fake to me.
While I was excited about the newness of them, the implants never made me feel better about myself. I never experienced the satisfaction with my body that I thought I would.
In the meantime, everyone in my close circle complimented me and told me my new breasts looked good. They were happy for me. And while I was excited about the newness of them, the implants never made me feel better about myself. I never experienced the satisfaction with my body that I thought I would. I was also overwhelmed by the fact that I would have to replace the implants every 10 years. I couldn’t fathom going through that surgery in my 50s and 60s when the recovery would likely be so much harder. There were all these facets I hadn’t considered before making the decision to get the implants in the first place.
Something else I hadn’t given much thought to was the risks associated with getting breast implants. My doctor had talked to me about certain risks before my surgery, including the possibility of rupture and the implant leaking internally, which can leave you misshapen or make you sick, and the risks associated with the actual surgery, such as respiratory failure and not waking up from anesthesia. But he didn’t touch on what I ended up experiencing five years after getting my implants, which included severe autoimmune symptoms that led to two diagnoses, as well as total rejection of the implants – this is known as breast implant illness.
First, I’d recently had LASIK surgery and my vision had started relapsing very shortly after the surgery, which is not normal. I also experienced swollen and painful joints. At one point, my knee was so swollen that I couldn’t walk for an entire weekend, and my right index finger swelled up so much that it was nearly impossible to do my job as an oncology nurse. (Back then, we were still working with paper charts that were written by hand before eventually switching to electronic records.) I was ultimately diagnosed with Sjögren’s syndrome, an autoimmune disease that affects the body’s moisture-producing glands, and Raynaud’s phenomenon, a condition that causes reduced blood flow to the fingers and toes. From there, I had to see a rheumatologist every three to six months and take medications to manage these symptoms.
All the while, no one suspected that the symptoms I was experiencing could be tied to my implants. One day, about five years later, in 2021, I was doing push-ups at the gym, and one of my implants flipped upside-down. The thicker part of the tear-drop shape was now at the top instead of the bottom, and it was very uncomfortable. This had actually happened before, and I was previously able to manipulate it back into place, but this time, I could not, and it was stuck for a couple of months.
My initial plan was to exchange my implants for a new pair in the right position since it was about time for my exchange surgery anyway, but during that time when I was living with the flipped implant, I became acutely ill. I began losing weight at a rapid rate, lost a ton of hair, and couldn’t eat or sleep because I was so anxious. I also experienced rashes for extended periods of time that I attempted to treat with steroid creams until they went away. I lost about 30 pounds in total – it was like my body sent out a 911 freak-out response. Had I not ultimately decided to take my implants out, I suspect it could have killed me.
What ultimately changed my mind was a conversation with a friend who shared that she had been experiencing symptoms similar to mine. She suspected she was experiencing breast implant illness and encouraged me to look into it, too.
I was shocked by what I learned. Research has shown that many women who have received breast implants have experienced symptoms such as joint and muscle pain, chronic fatigue, and problems with memory and concentration. Many of these symptoms are associated with autoimmune conditions, such as the diagnoses I received, as well as lupus and rheumatoid arthritis. In my research, I also found a Facebook group of over 150,000 women sharing their experiences, many of which were so similar to mine.
To my knowledge, breast implant illness wasn’t as well-known back when I first got my implants. I had done years of research on breast implants myself before I could finally afford them, reading up on the best types of implants and the best doctors to get them from, and I never came across any literature on the risk of breast implant illness.
I felt like I finally had some answers, though, because I had otherwise been very healthy before my surgery. There was no other explanation as to why I was suddenly so ill.
I ended up calling my plastic surgeon back and requesting to have my implants removed completely, rather than just replaced. My doctor was reluctant to perform the explantation surgery as he didn’t have a whole lot of experience with it – both he and my rheumatologist were not convinced my breast implants were the cause of my illness or that explanting would resolve all of my issues, particularly my elevated liver numbers and severe reflux – but ultimately, he squeezed me in earlier than my initial appointment date.
The recovery from getting the implants removed was far worse than getting them in, and it was also more expensive at over $7,000. I had external drains coming out from the sides of my breasts, and I had to drain the fluid from them every couple of hours. They were also very uncomfortable to sleep in and easily pulled and got caught on things. At the time, my mom and stepdad were living in Dallas, so I stayed with them for about a week post-surgery and returned to work after 10 days. Still, I couldn’t sleep on my back for about a month and a half, and instead slept on a recliner. The scars took forever to go away and still aren’t completely gone, even after using a lot of silicone strips and scar creams.
Once I recovered, though, I was so thankful to have my natural breasts back. My plastic surgeon had scared me into thinking I would have a lot of drooping from my stretched-out skin since I didn’t have much natural breast tissue to begin with, but I’m lucky that I went back to exactly how I looked before. Sure, my breasts are back to being quite small, but they look as if I never got the surgery done in the first place, save for my tiny scars.
The very best part, however, is that all of the autoimmune symptoms immediately went away. I got off my medications and all my labs went back to normal. I regained my weight and appetite, and my excessive hair loss stopped. I felt so much better, had more energy, and was happier with how I looked.
Even though breast implant illness has been more widely discussed since I first got my initial surgery, I still think the risks are downplayed quite a bit. However, my surgeon has connected me with several other patients of his who have sought out the explantation surgery so that I can share my experience to help them decide if they want to go through with it.
I suppose it’s easier to see now that I’m older and wiser, but I’m so thankful to have my health, which is much more important than big boobs.
– As told to Emilia Benton
Emilia Benton is a freelance health and wellness journalist who is particularly passionate about sharing diverse stories and elevating underrepresented voices. In addition to PS, her work has been published by Runner’s World, Women’s Health, Self, Outside, and the Houston Chronicle, among others. Emilia is also a 13-time marathoner and a USATF Level 1-certified run coach.
