“You look tired.” “Oh no, you’re really breaking out.” “What’s going on with your skin?”
These questions may sound pretty innocuous to most people, but those of us with chronic skin conditions constantly contend with them. Given that according to the American Academy of Dermatology, millions of people worldwide experience varying degrees of chronic skin conditions, including acne, psoriasis, atopic dermatitis, and vitiligo, you would think that the general population would have more tact around the subject. However, as a psoriasis sufferer, I have noticed that having a visible skin condition somehow opens you up to unwarranted, “well-intentioned” comments that can be just as damaging as the condition itself.
Being made to feel as though your body is something for others to weigh in on can have detrimental effects on mental health. According to a 2023 study by the Journal of the European Academy of Dermatology and Venereology, over 80 percent of chronic skin condition sufferers consider their skin embarrassing in personal and professional settings. Nearly 20 percent also reported feeling that they were looked at with disgust, leading to an increase in both anxiety and depression.
I have psoriasis on both of my feet, which can often spread to other parts of my body, including my legs, elbows, and neck. As a Muslim, I generally dress modestly, so not much of my skin is displayed. Still, I have noticed that whenever my feet are visible, it invites comments from those who are ignorant about the background of my condition. Psoriasis is an autoimmune condition with no known cure – only management techniques – which I am well-informed of and have discussed at length with doctors and specialists.
I have noticed that having a visible skin condition somehow opens you up to unwarranted, “well-intentioned” comments that can be just as damaging as the condition itself.
Yet, I still find myself on the receiving end of “advice” that I didn’t ask for nor do I need. Last year, I was undergoing laser hair removal. Being in a state of undress when you have a skin condition is already uncomfortable enough. I explained to the therapist that she could avoid any areas around my ankles where my psoriasis was flaring up, expecting that to be the end of the conversation. She then spent the next 45 minutes advising me on my diet and comparing my psoriasis to her boyfriend’s, which was a reaction from lactose.
I’m not the only one who has received unwelcome advice and shaming during an unrelated beauty treatment. Rizwana Khan, a 30-year-old with eczema, was asked during a massage if she had a fungal infection before the therapist attempted to advise her on what products she should use to treat it. “It was during a postpartum massage, and rather than relaxing, I just ended up worrying about whether the therapist was uncomfortable touching my skin,” she says.
Sadly, it isn’t only strangers that dole out unsolicited advice – and it can often sting worse when it comes from friends and family. After the pandemic, 28-year-old Megan Masters started experiencing adult acne, and even well-meaning acts, like her mother-in-law purchasing skin care she didn’t ask for or her dad advising her on makeup removal, made her feel small. “I always felt like people thought I was dirty or stupid,” she says. Often, even with our best interests at heart, this kind of thing can make chronic sufferers feel as though they aren’t capable of looking after their own skin.
Having a chronic skin condition makes being in public difficult. I often feel vulnerable to comments when my skin is more visible. I have done enough of my own research and consulted enough medical professionals to conclude that my only current options for my psoriasis are immunosuppressants or continuing with steroid treatments, knowing that I will suffer flare-ups as a result of TSW (topical steroid withdrawal). Despite this, psoriasis and other skin conditions are still seen as more “treatable” and less severe than conditions that affect different parts of the body, which makes little sense knowing our skin is the largest organ we have.
Luke Thomas is 31 years old and has had eczema for most of his life. Like many others, he’s explored all sorts of avenues of recovery, including diet, and advice like this simplifies and belittles the condition. Still, he was at dinner with a family friend when he randomly received the advice: “‘You need to stop eating so unhealthily; that will cause it.'”
For Alaina Chaudhry, her diagnosis with severe eczema was one of the most challenging periods of her life and her lowest points mentally. “I was constantly being told by friends, family, and strangers that I wasn’t doing the right thing for my skin, and I was so desperate for a cure that I was trying anything I was told would work. I felt like a test subject, and when nothing made a difference, it was disheartening.”
This toxic cycle of blame makes those with skin conditions feel as though there is a cure around the corner – if they just follow the right instructions, use the right cream, and eat the right food. The highs and lows of navigating management techniques are arduous enough without adding additional “quick fixes” to the mix.
Georgia Trodd, who has vitiligo, shares that the worst part is being knocked back down after working hard to build up confidence in her skin. “The advice that people and brands give is as though my vitiligo is something to cover up, get rid of, or destroy. I’ve been told to use fake tan to cover it up, and recently a nail artist even recommended a cream that bleaches skin.” This is where unsolicited skin-care advice goes from problematic to outright dangerous, with recommendations doled out by people without medical qualifications or understanding of the condition.
While you may have good intentions, I’d implore anyone to consider keeping skin-care advice to themselves when coming across someone with a skin condition. Whatever words of wisdom you feel the need to share, the likelihood is they’ve heard or tried it. And if they haven’t, it is probably for the best. Remember that you have private health concerns that are none of anyone’s business, and think of how it’d feel if you had to wear them visibly. Having a chronic skin condition is physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausting, so no, we don’t want to hear how your mom’s neighbor’s daughter fixed her skin in just three days.
Sidra Imtiaz is a freelance British Pakistani Muslim beauty writer and PR expert based in London, but often in the US. She has written for Refinery29, Glamour, InStyle, Bustle, Who What Wear, and PS.
