Those of us born in the 1900s were shocked, appalled, and dismayed when we found out American Girl released new dolls for their historical collection – twins growing up in 1999. Don’t strain yourself by doing the math, because yes, 1999 was 24 years ago. As you might predict, the internet is screaming.
Until now, American Girl’s historical collection has spanned from Kaya (whose story is set in 1764) to Courtney (set in 1986). While Courtney was pulled from recent enough history to inspire some raised eyebrows, it was nothing compared to the responses to the Mary Kate and Ashley look-a-likes, who were officially introduced on American Girl Doll’s website as Isabel and Nicki Hoffman, twin sisters from Seattle.
To be fair, some took Isabel and Nicki’s debut in stride. But others had a slightly . . . stronger reaction. Think: GIFs of Jamie Lee Curtis screaming, “I’m old!” in Freaky Friday, or frantic searches for “nearby Botox” and “best night serum for mature skin.”
It got to the point where American Girl was officially sweating a bit, Tweeting “Didn’t mean to hurt so many feelings today ? as if they didn’t know what they were doing to our psyches.
The dolls’ descriptions only twisted the knife for many Millennials. Isabel’s cropped cable-knit sweater and plaid skirt are giving total “Clueless” vibes (was it really released almost 30 years ago?). And Nicki’s hobbies were stolen straight from our youth, but written about as if they were actual historical artifacts. “A full line of the doll’s description goes into explaining that zines ‘are like homemade magazines’?,” writes Twitter user @SarahRheaWerner. At least they didn’t try to define what magazines are.
In case you haven’t signed off from the internet forever yet, there are two more add-on accessories that you won’t want to miss. Firstly, Isabel and Nicki’s Computer & Desk Set ($145) complete with CD towers, floppy disk drives, and, of course, a desk monitor that brings back memories of the screeching dial-up sounds we all suffered through while logging onto AIM to chat with friends. And a Pizza Hut Book It Set ($32), a reference to the Hut’s reading program from the ’90s, which includes the cup.
If this article could be written completely in emojis, it would be comprised of a series of skulls, because we are officially deceased.
The only people who seemed to win today was the queer community. “From the hyper femme Isabel and her tiny kitten, to the very cool, very soft butch Nicki and her alien pillow,” wrote Analyssa for Autostraddle. “‘The L Word’ would have come out when they were 15! Callie and Arizona get together when they’re in college!” We can’t wait to see American Girl Doll’s first “coming out” storyline. Now that would be historical.
