Life on a Family Compound: Why Co-Living Is on the Rise

When Aisha Patterson first moved into a family compound in Oklahoma a year and a half ago, the primary goal was to become more self-sufficient. With 20 acres of land for three households – one for Patterson plus her husband and their four kids, one for her mom, and one for her in-laws – the family members decided to work together to grow their own food. But since moving in, Patterson has realized the setup offers far more than personal farm-to-table dining. “My children go from home to home whenever they need somebody,” she tells PS.

Following a surgery last month, Patterson had all the support she needed while she recovered at home. She sees her mom almost every day, and the two often remark on how lucky they are. “We look at each other sometimes and we just shake our heads like, Is this real? It’s been the biggest blessing of our lives,” she says. “I’ve never been happier.”

Patterson is among a handful of TikTok creators who’ve grown major followings by sharing their experiences living on family compounds, a domestic style that’s becoming increasingly popular. According to Google Trends, more people searched the term “family compound” last month than anytime in the last decade. Meanwhile, both “family compounds for sale” and “what is a family compound” have become breakout searches.

“I’m seeing a huge interest in the industry in shared living and family compounds,” says Leah Ziliak, who’s been a consultant for co-living spaces since 2019. “Especially in the US, where typically those scenarios aren’t as prevalent as they are in other cultures and other parts of the world.”

Family compounds usually involve multiple adult family members buying a large plot of land together that either already has multiple houses, or has enough space to build them. Each nuclear family lives in their own house, but they typically share the land and certain resources with the extended family members next door. Other people create similar setups in cities and suburbs, sometimes via an accessory dwelling unit (ADU) or by purchasing a multi-level complex that comes with multiple apartments for various family members.

While this style of living is by no means new, renewed interest is shaking up some long-held beliefs about what the American dream of homeownership can look like, and how important it actually is to “make it on your own.”

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Leah Ziliak is the founder of The Coliving Consultant.

Why Family Compounds Are Currently Trending

For decades, mainstream America has idolized the idea of a single-family household. “People are very independent, and we value our freedom and our space because there’s a lot of it,” Ziliak says. So why are Americans suddenly into multigenerational living arrangements again?

Patterson blames burnout with the modern ethos of going it alone, i.e. shouldering all the responsibility of homeownership and raising a family with just a spouse (or as a single adult). “People are going back to the way things used to be,” Patterson says. She adds that, for her, life now moves at a slower pace, since the family can lean on each other rather than always feeling like they have to hustle. “Living like this has really allowed us to just appreciate the present moment, what’s in front of us, and just really be full of gratitude for our family,” she says.

More specifically, Ziliak says she’s seen the trend take off more post-pandemic – a timeline others echo. “2020 was a crazy year for everyone. And I think we just really realized what was important in our lives and what kind of lives we wanted to live,” says Hayden Barbour, who moved from the Kansas City, MO suburbs into a family compound further out from the city with her mom and sister’s family a few months ago. “I believe families are supposed to stay together and live together. A lot of other countries still do that.”

Ziliak says the time in lockdown gave many people an opportunity to question habits we’d long taken for granted, like only living with family while we grow up, only having roommates in college and maybe shortly after, then striking out on our own as soon as we can afford it (or acquire a romantic partner to share the costs with).

Ziliak describes it as a “shift in mindset of what’s OK.” She adds, “You don’t have to do things the way that everyone else has done them before, and you can do things that work better for you. And for a lot of people, that’s being part of a community.”

For interior designer María José Martinez, spending nine months with her twin brother in Minneapolis during the pandemic encouraged the pair to start looking into ways to pull off the arrangement full-time. Last September, they bought a duplex in the city. Her brother and his fiancée moved into the lower unit a few months later, and Martinez moved from Boston into the upstairs unit with her partner last month.

“There’s a rootedness of it all that doesn’t feel as transient as it used to before when I was just by myself,” Martinez says. That sense of belonging can be especially powerful at a time when many Americans feel lonely and disconnected, stuck apart from each other behind screens.

But in addition to the major social and emotional benefits, Martinez says the decision also simply made smart financial sense at a time when housing costs have hit record highs. “We still live in the city, but we have enough space to grow and to have a backyard, and a lake five blocks away,” she says. “It would be harder if it was one person or a single family trying to afford a house in a neighborhood like this. Coming together and sharing resources gives you more options.” She believes the American emphasis on individualism could be shifting as financial pressures encourage us to get more creative about how we live.

Because it’s not just housing costs that family compounds can ease. The built-in support system can also be helpful for managing both childcare and elder care, effectively easing multiple burdens at once.

What to Consider Before Moving Into a Family Compound

Family compound living forces you into a new kind of intimacy (both emotionally and financially) with siblings, parents, in-laws, and anyone else on the property. “It’s definitely not for everybody,” Martinez admits. Barbour adds, “You’ve got to like your family, because you never know when they’re going to show up at your doorstep.” But if you do have healthy family relationships and are looking into moving together, there are some things to keep in mind.

For starters, successful co-living requires deliberate communication. Patterson says her family holds a meeting every other week to discuss schedules, finances, and what needs to be done around the farm. “It really helps us to establish healthy relationships throughout this process,” she says, though she adds that anytime someone is offended or upset by another’s actions, they address it immediately so grudges don’t form.

Martinez says their two households regularly go out for drinks as a foursome to intentionally discuss how it’s going. “Sometimes things don’t come up organically, and they need to be massaged and prompted so that we feel comfortable with hard conversations,” she says.

Boundaries are also important. Ziliak suggests being very clear on any completely private spaces or times, and what you’re not open to sharing. Patterson’s mom, for instance, keeps to herself on Mondays and makes it clear she won’t see any visitors that day.

“Make sure everyone’s on the same level about what they want out of the experience, and lay out potential conflicts ahead of time,” Ziliak says. “What are the differences in lifestyles and parenting styles and personal habits that could cause tension in the future? What would it look like if someone wanted to leave or if someone wanted to sell?” Another tricky question: What happens if another family member wants to join the compound? Patterson says that her family has answers to many of these questions written down (some of them legally) so each party is protected.

Because as permanent as buying property together might feel in the moment, families grow and evolve, plans change, and priorities shift. “Nothing’s forever,” Martinez points out. “They’re all stages in life.”

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Jennifer Heimlich is a writer and editor with more than 15 years of experience in fitness and wellness journalism. She previously worked as the senior fitness editor for Well+Good and the editor in chief of Dance Magazine. A UESCA-certified running coach, she’s written about running and fitness for publications like Shape, GQ, Runner’s World, and The Atlantic.