How That “Childless Cat Ladies” Discourse Stings For Blended Families

Practically every day, it seems as though vice presidential nominee J.D. Vance finds a new way to disparage and shame people who choose to be child-free.

The discourse began back in 2021. During an appearance on “Tucker Carlson Tonight,” Vance, who was at the time an Ohio Senate candidate, said, “We are effectively run in this country via the Democrats, via our corporate oligarchs, by a bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they made and so they want to make the rest of the country miserable too.” Vance went on to list Vice President Kamala Harris as an example.

More recently, when President Joe Biden withdrew from the 2024 election and subsequently endorsed Harris, the 2021 clip began to circulate, sparking much conversation and backlash. At press time, however, Vance has not backed down from the now infamous remarks. If anything, he’s doubled down, saying the “Democratic Party is becoming anti-family and anti-child.”

First and foremost, whether a woman chooses to be a mother or not does not affect her worth in any way, especially her ability to do a job. That being said, Vance also blatantly ignored Harris’s role as a stepmother to her husband Doug’s two children, Ella and Cole Emhoff. Omitting this information to push a certain narrative onto Harris simultaneously devalues and undermines the role that she plays in her stepchildren’s lives.

Maybe it’s because we’ve all become so accustomed to the “wicked stepmother” stereotype. From Cinderella’s evil stepmother to Meredith Blake from “The Parent Trap,” most depictions of blended families have a negative undertone. But this narrative couldn’t be further from the truth in this case, with Emhoff’s ex-wife Kerstin Emhoff telling CNN, “These are baseless attacks. For over 10 years, since Cole and Ella were teenagers, Kamala has been a co-parent with Doug and I. She is loving, nurturing, fiercely protective, and always present. I love our blended family and am grateful to have her in it.”

Harris and other stepparents alike deserve their flowers because the way that they show up for their stepkids leaves a long-lasting impact. My stepdad definitely did.

When I was 12 years old, my mom remarried. I gained a stepdad and a couple of adult stepbrothers in the process. Despite having kids of his own, my stepdad never made me feel like I was an afterthought or just his wife’s kid. He was always kind, considerate, and a great example for my sisters and me.

During my most formative years, he was there. He was the person who bravely took me out driving for the first time and taught me how to parallel park. He disciplined me when needed and always had my mom’s back. He kept his judgments to himself as I obsessively watched “Glee” as a teenager. And most importantly, he made my mom happy while they were together. They amicably parted ways years later, but I still see him as my stepdad. When I think of the men who have truly shaped me, I will always point to him and my grandpa.

Even though he was in my life for a short time, I’m so grateful for everything he did and taught me. From getting us all Valentine’s Day gifts each year to picking me up from camp to help my mom out even after their split, he was always someone we could rely on.

Outside of his parental duties, he always just supported me being me. When I wanted to pursue fashion design, for example, he bought me a sewing machine. Even now, as I continue to write and pursue my dreams, he always hypes up my accomplishments. He may not have created me, but his presence in my life shaped me.

The bond between a stepparent and stepchild is unique in every way shape and form, but one thing it isn’t? Insignificant. Choosing a partner to take on life with is one thing, but choosing a partner who can help guide, care for, and raise your children is another entirely. Whether they’re in the child’s life temporarily or for a lifetime, a good stepparent can make an impact that often goes unnoticed.

Raising a child is no easy feat. Whether you grow a baby cell by cell, adopt, or gain bonus children through marriage, parenthood is a journey. J.D. Vance continues to try to shame not only Kamala Harris for the path she’s taken to parenthood but also the choices of child-free people, whether by choice or circumstance. His focus appears to be on showcasing one narrow definition of family. But there is no singular way to define family, and at the end of the day, being a parent isn’t for everyone, and that’s OK too.

It’s insulting to know that someone – specifically someone already holding public office and seeking even higher office – believes that child-free people are less than. Why would I support someone whose service is conditional? Politicians need to remember they serve us all, not just the ones they deem worthy.

Related: Attacks on VP Harris Are Already Ugly. Here’s How Black Women Can Protect Their Peace.

Daria Yazmiene is a freelance writer, social media manager, and advocate for BIPOC communities. She is a proud graduate of Arizona State University’s Walter Cronkite School of Journalism.