My Weighted Blanket Rescued Me From Nighttime Panic Attacks

I love to sleep. In some ways, it’s my favorite part of the day. However, I have PTSD, and that creates major sleep issues for me almost every day of the week. Primarily, it gives me nightly anxiety and weekly nighttime panic attacks – ones that wake me up in the middle of the night gasping for air. You know that feeling you get in a dream when it feels like you’re falling? This is what these attacks are like, only I feel like I’m slowly suffocating.

For years, I’d heard about weighted blankets and how they may help with anxiety, but I was skeptical. I tend to think that if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. But my husband had different ideas about these heavy, expensive blankets – he thought they might just help. That’s why, on Christmas two years ago, I opened a box that contained one of my own.

For the better part of January and February, my weighted blanket rested on the sofa ottoman. If my husband and I were watching a movie, I might slide it onto my legs for a bit. I didn’t want him to feel like he’d wasted his money. But then, one day in March, my son popped a balloon, causing me to throw myself onto the floor. After my first husband was shot and killed in 2014, I developed PTSD. The loud pop is eerily familiar to a gunshot and will always trigger an attack. For 15 minutes, I paced around my living room while holding my heart. I called my husband and told him I might need to go to the ER. Then, I saw it: my blanket.

Now, I’m not saying it was a cure-all or that my anxiety dissipated into thin air. But as I lay there, curled into a ball, watching something mindless on TV under that weighted blanket, I could feel the pressure inside my body slowly melting away. From that moment on, my blanket became an essential part of my life. If I ever started feeling anxious, I reached for it. If I ever felt like I couldn’t breathe, I reached for it.

Related: I Spent $200 on a Weighted Blanket, and It's Changed My Entire F*cking Life

That summer, I started experiencing something new – nighttime panic attacks. A good friend of mine who’s been dealing with panic attacks his whole life told me about these, but I never understood them until I experienced one for myself. There’s a common misunderstanding about anxiety and panic attacks among those who don’t suffer from them. I’ve been asked, “What are you anxious about?” Nothing! What a lot of people don’t understand is that sometimes the panic attack is triggered by nothing. Sometimes, it hits you when things are good, and you have no control over it.

A few months before my nighttime panic attacks started, we moved into a new house. During the move, my blanket got shoved into a box and I forgot about it. For months, I woke up drenched in sweat while gasping for air. I got very little sleep and felt disconnected from my life. My head felt like it might explode, my hands were always shaky, and I was usually in a pretty pissy mood. This vicious cycle of getting no sleep, night after night, was having a negative impact on my relationships.

Then, one evening before bed, my husband (bless his heart) tossed my 10-pound gray blanket on top of me. “My hero,” I shouted out. That evening, instead of getting up 20 times, I only got up 10. The next night, I woke up less, and the next, even less. My blanket rescued me from a cruel, sleepless fate. It gave me back my sanity.

Everyone is different, and I don’t think these blankets have magical powers, but mine helped me overcome these nasty attacks. It hugs me and lets me know – you’re gonna be OK. It softens the electricity that runs through my veins and gives me peace of mind. In my darkest moments, I know it will not abandon me.