How social media fits into real life, whether authenticity culture is a scam, and how likely it is that main character syndrome — in other words, hyper-individuality — will ruin our sense of community. These are just a few trending topics discussed on Flex Mami’s subscription-based, members-only platform Future Group Chat, which, she clarifies in episode seven of The Flipside podcast, isn’t a social media app.
“I’m not even trying to create a safe space that’s for everyone,” Flex, whose real name is Lillian Ahenkan, tells hosts Sali Sasi and Julie Stevanja. “This is a place for people who want to build community through conversation, and that does not resonate with every single person.”
In addition to being the founder of Future Group Chat, Flex is the creator of the conversation-starter card game ReFlex, a radio host of Flex and Froomes on CADA, a best-selling author, award-winning influencer, DJ, TV presenter and self-confessed opinion-haver.
Flex says her entrepreneurial strategy is to create solutions to problems she has personally, which is how she started Future Group Chat, her most recent venture. She wanted to continue to facilitate conversations — which she was doing on Instagram already — but didn’t want to be the mediator herself.
“I found [on Instagram] I was setting up my audience by being like, ‘Hey, here’s where you can have conversation, but only when I want to and when I start it and stop it’,” she says. “That’s ridiculous. So, I was like, what we just need is a separate environment where all of you can interact with each other and also get a better idea of what it’s like to share your ideas publicly.”
Although Flex says she sees the value in people being able to lurk on social platforms, observing until they have the confidence to share opinions themselves, Future Group Chat isn’t the place for that. Instead, it’s for people who are willing to be put in uncomfortable situations and be challenged, by sharing from the start.
One way Flex achieves this is by having those interested in joining fill-outa 10-minute application. Questions on it include, “What’s your conversation style?”, “Do you learn best by observing or by integrating?” and “What’s the last hard conversation you had?”. The idea is that those who can’t find the time to answer these questions, wouldn’t find any use for Future Group Chat anyway, says Flex.
She attributes her own confidence to being able to share publicly how she was raised, with her mum creating an affirming and empowering environment in which Flex was always told she was special. Confidence isn’t something you can fake, she says. It’s the result of positive reinforcement from real-life activity
“Now, though, I don’t think confidence is something that most people should put at the forefront of what they want,” she says. “I think you need conviction, comprehension and compassion for yourself and others. That together, you’ll get to confidence eventually. But confidence will not save you.”
As for how Flex gets into a ‘flow state’ with her work, she says it happens when doing whatever feels the easiest, has the least amount of friction, and in the moments when she feels the most seen. The best way to get into flow, Flex says, is to look at your life objectively and find the contradictions between who you are and who you say you are, what you want and what you do, and where you go and where you’d rather be.
“These things are painting a much clearer picture about the dissonance of why you can’t maintain flow,” she says. “If I say, ‘I want to go places where I want to be seen and heard’, but then I keep going into environments where I have to be a caricature of myself, how do we do flow? It’s not giving fluid.”
For more of Flex’s life advice, including why she thinks the adage of faking it till you make it doesn’t always work, and how she avoids role-playing and strives for authenticity in her own content creation, tune into the full episode below.
You can listen to The Flipside wherever you listen to your podcasts, with episodes dropping every Thursday — each with an exclusive offer from one of the Her Black Book brand partners. In this episode (which you can listen to below) STAX is offering 20% off sitewide (excluding the Anna Paul Collection) when you shop via the Her Black Book app. You have until midnight on Sunday 16 October to take advantage of the discount, so be quick! To unlock even more exclusive deals and offers, download the Her Black Book app now.
