There are many reasons Father’s Day might be difficult for you. You might’ve lost your dad. You might not get along with him, but still have to spend time with him on the day. Or you might not get on with other members of your family, but still have to see them on Father’s Day.
If that’s the case for you, ahead, we share five ways to not only get through the day, but also to make it… enjoyable even.
Make a Plan for the Day
While there is no right or wrong way to spend the day, think ahead about what would make you feel most comfortable, particularly if you’ve lost your dad.
“Knowing the day might be difficult could mean you focus on doing things that help soothe you like self-care,” says Mary Spillane, clinical psychologist and mental health expert at Headspace app. “That could be getting a massage, seeing a movie, or just spending some time at home doing an activity you enjoy.”
If you are headed to Father’s Day and aren’t getting along with your dad, think about your boundaries ahead of time. Arriving with firm boundaries can help you express what you need in a kind and compassionate way.
“It’s important to remember that boundaries help us to connect in a healthy way with the people we love,” says Dora Kamau, a meditation teacher at Headspace App. “They aren’t meant to completely rid us of all connection. Before you spend time with family, you can spend some time reflecting on physical, emotion and mental boundaries that you would like to set in place. You may find you don’t even need them, but knowing you have them there can provide you with a sense of comfort and safety.”
Be Compassionate With Yourself
Whatever emotions come up on the day, plan to be compassionate with yourself. Judging ourselves for the way we react to things can make those emotions even more intense.
“Being self compassionate creates space to feel your emotions, whatever they might be, without judging, numbing or getting angry at ourselves,” says Spillane. “It allows us to deal with our emotions in a more helpful way.”
Handling and treating yourself with kindness and compassion can help us to navigate those tougher emotions we may be experiencing, adds Kamau. “Validating and honouring how we’re feeling in each and every moment will help you to move through the pain with grace,” she says.
Know Your Stress Cues
Next is to be curious about what specifically triggers you. Knowing what exactly is going on internally can have an impact on what’s going on externally.
“Taking the time to understand what activates yours stress response helps you to respond to yourself, others and your environment in a skillful way,” says Kamau. “Before you are around others, take a few moments to pause and check in with yourself, notice what thoughts and emotions are present, and see if you can continue to cultivate this awareness throughout the day.”
If we’re aware of the changes in our minds and bodies, we’re better able to handle them when we feel off-balance or stressed.
Practice Acceptance
Living without your dad or having a not-so-great relationship with him can seem unfair, but with any situation in life, if you accept it as-is and focus on what you do have control over, you’ll make it so much easier on yourself.
“When we’re not accepting reality as it is, we’re often denying, resisting or judging our experiences,” says Spillane. “This takes a lot of our psychological energy and can make it difficult to problem solve or sooth ourselves.”
Kamau adds that acceptance shouldn’t be misinterpreted to mean agreeing with the situation. Instead, it’s us actively letting go of resistance to what is and being open to the present moment, in whatever way it shows up.
“We are letting go of any judgements or expectations, and embracing ourselves and others just as we are,” she says. “In a sense, we are choosing to make peace instead of harbouring resentment or resistance.”
Seek Support
Finally, if you’re feeling blue around Father’s Day, seek support from close friends or family members, or a mental health expert.
“Seeking emotional and mental support can help us to process our emotions and experiences n a healthy, more skillful way,” says Kamau. “Whether it’s through a mental health professional or even connecting with a trusted friend, you can learn new and healthy coping skills to support yourself when you seek support from others.”
If you or anyone you know is struggling and needs support, call Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 or Lifeline on 13 11 14, both of which provide trained counsellors you can talk with 24/7. You can also speak with someone confidentially at Headspace by calling 1800 650 890 or chat online here.
