We all think of the holiday season as a super social time. A time for drinking bubbles with friends and spending nights at the beach with a crew and taking cute photos in a colourful sundress with your bestie or significant other. But sometimes, friends don’t want to come out to play, and that can leave us feeling frustrated and isolated.
I’m definitely guilty of feeling upset with my friends for being flaky over the holidays. Everyone has their reasons, but one of my pet peeves is people not sticking to their word.
But it’s important to remember that it’s super easy for everyone to communicate clearly and openly all the time. Sometimes people need space, or they need to listen to their bodies and be antisocial for a while, or they might just change their mind about plans. And honestly, all that is really okay.
From experience (read: countless mates who’ve flaked), I’ve finally learnt how to accept when my friends are flaky. It can be tough, I know, but trust me when I say that it will be okay. Because in the end, it was for me.
So, with all that in mind, here are my top tips for dealing with flaky friends:
Don’t Take It Personally
Whether your flaky friends are known for their flakiness or whether they’re going through a bit of moment, know that it isn’t a reflection on you. Don’t think of their flakiness as something they’re doing specifically to you, just so they can upset you. It’s a reflection of where they’re at right now. If they had a problem with you, it’s on them to communicate that with you. And if they don’t and you’re really feeling stressed about the situation, feel free to gently communicate that with them. A lot of the time, we take people’s negative behaviour personally, which makes us defensive and, therefore, less understanding.
Calm Your Expectations
We all have expectations of our friends, and we’re going to go through moments when friends don’t live up to those and that’s totally okay. It’s not pessimistic to say that you might want to try lowering your expectations. If you start to feel yourself getting upset about your friends not meeting you in the middle, try to take some time to yourself. Let the frustration simmer down and come back when you’re ready.
Find Pleasure in Alone Time
Sometimes, we need time away from our friends. We get so used to relying on them, on them being a source of support, companionship, love and care that sometimes, we forget that we can lean on ourselves, too. If your friends are being flaky, take this as an opportunity to spend some quality time with you. Read those books you’ve been wanting to read, do something creative, maybe even take yourself out on a movie date. It’s nice to remember that you always don’t need anyone but yourself.
Be Patient
It’s been a tough couple of years and people who have never struggled with social anxiety are finding themselves overwhelmed with the sudden change of pace. Be patient with them. Things are pretty intense right now, but they’ll slowly start to feel normal again. Maybe your friends don’t feel like socialising but they don’t know how to tell you. Try your best to give them space to re-adjust, and remember to be patient with yourself, too. Things will start to click back into shape soon enough.
