Picture this: you’re out and about running errands, checking off your to-do list with ease, and feeling like you’ve got everything under control. Until, out of nowhere, you run into your ex. The one you thought you were over. The one whose mere presence sends you spiralling back to the moment you broke up.
Suddenly, your world comes crashing down around you as you try to put on a brave face and pretend like crossing paths with them hasn’t thrown you for a loop. But inside, you’re a mess. It’s been a year, and you thought you were done with them. But as you stand there, face to face with your past, you realise that maybe you’re not as over it as you thought.
Let’s face it; the pain of a breakup is undeniably one of life’s toughest challenges. It’s the kind of thing that keeps you up at night tossing and turning, wondering where they are or what they’re doing, while scrolling through old text messages and replaying all the “what ifs” in your mind. And let’s not forget about the endless tubs of ice cream, because everyone knows that bingeing Netflix with Messina is the ultimate remedy for a broken heart.
But the truth is, there’s no shortcut to getting over an ex. In fact, it’s not uncommon for feelings to still linger long after the relationship has ended, and even when you know that the breakup is for the best.
But what exactly makes it so hard to let go and move forward?
Why Do We Struggle to Get Over an Ex?
If the thought of your ex still makes your heart skip a beat and your stomach do backflips, this could be why:
Unprocessed Emotions
You might still have unresolved emotions such as disappointment or sadness, preventing you from moving on.
Idealising the Past
You might be romanticising your past partner or grieving the potential of what you could have had together, overlooking the reality of who they really were and what the relationship was actually like.
Fear of Loneliness
You might be afraid of being single or feel like you won’t find someone who connects with you the way your ex did.
Stuck in the Past
You might be holding onto memories and experiences with your ex out of fear of the unknown, hindering your progress and growth.
Addicted to the Familiar
Your brain might be protecting you from the breakup blues by downplaying the negatives of the relationship and clinging to the familiar.
So, How Can You Get Over Your Ex?
If you’re obsessively fantasising about a past relationship or struggling to find closure, the following tips can help make the gruelling process of moving on from your ex more bearable:
Invest in Yourself
Prioritising self-love and self-care is crucial before seeking love from others. Invest in yourself and indulge in activities that make you happy and fulfilled, such as booking in a spa day or pursuing a passion project.
Lean on Your Support System
You don’t have to go through this alone. Surround yourself with positive people who can listen to you, offer advice, and provide support.
Take a Detox
It’s hard to move on when you’re constantly reminded of the person you’re trying to forget. Cut off all contact with your ex and take a break from social media to avoid triggers and comparisons that can hinder the healing process.
Honour This Phase
Contrary to popular belief, the best way to get over someone doesn’t always involve getting under someone. So, instead of seeking a quick fix, honour the need to grieve and take your time to recover fully.
Forgive and Forget
Holding onto blame and resentment can hinder your ability to move forward with your life. Practice forgiveness, both for your ex-partner and for yourself, and let go of any negative feelings that are holding you back.
Reflect and Realign
While it’s important to move on, take time to reflect on your past relationship and what you learned from it. What went wrong? What could you do differently in your next relationship? Use this as an opportunity to re-evaluate your priorities and set new goals.
What If You’re Still Hung Up on Them?
If you’re still hung up on your ex, don’t beat yourself up. As social beings, we’re wired to attach to others. But keep in mind, not every relationship is meant to last forever, and healing isn’t an overnight job. Everyone’s journey is unique, and there’s no need to rush the process.
So, take it one day at a time, and trust that with patience and perseverance, you’ll start to feel like yourself again. As the saying goes, people enter your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, and often, the reason why only becomes clear when looking back.
Nicole Colantoni is a dating and relationship expert. As POPSUGAR Australia’s dating columnist, Nicole will share updates on dating trends, advice, and answer all your burning questions. Slide into her DMs to share what you’d like her to answer next. Nicole hosts a podcast, Love Uncensored: The Modern Guide to Dating & Relationships, which you can learn more about and listen here.
