How to Stay Sane While Moving House With Your Partner

I recently moved from an apartment to a house with my boyfriend, and, honestly, it was one of the most stressful experiences I’ve had in my adult life (and we went through COVID as a new couple together).

There’s just something about packing up all your things and moving to a new home that can be unsettling emotionally, as well as physically exhausting and stressful.

“Moving fundamentally destabilises us; for most of us, home is a safe, secure and predictable environment where we can be settled and calm,” says Amber Rules, Clinical Psychotherapist and Director of Rough Patch Affordable Counselling.

“When we move, we’re up ending our entire lives and this can be hugely stressful. There are deadlines we have to meet, such as having everything ready for moving day, not to mention the financial strains of moving, such as moving costs, paying rent at two properties, finding enough boxes, etc. It’s a lot!”

I’ve moved houses heaps of times as a young adult, having been in sharehouses since I was 17, and moving from Adelaide to Melbourne in my early twenties, I’ve moved houses on my own a lot; and become pretty good at it. That’s why I was so surprised, that moving with my boyfriend was so much extra stress.

“If you’re feeling more drained when moving with a partner, it could be because you’re having to put energy into communicating, sharing responsibility, and other tasks which you might ordinarily just make decisions for yourself (for better or worse!),” Rules says.

“While there are many roads to Rome, everyone has their own way of doing things, and compromising and strategising can take emotional energy you don’t want to expend while you’re doing something stressful like moving.”

Below Rules shares her top tips on how to stay sane while moving house with a partner. And while I wish I’d followed them back then, you can, hopefully, before your next move.

Allocate Tasks

“Have a plan and allocate jobs to each member of the household,” Rules recommends. “Allocate jobs based on skills, strengths or natural abilities where possible.”

By allocating tasks dependant on strengths, it can allow both you and your partner to feel as though you’re doing your part and can help you steer clear of feeling as though one party isn’t “pulling their weight”.

Create Deadlines

It all comes down to organisation, and with two people and two sets of stuff, you’ll have more to do than if you were moving alone. For those of us who maybe haven’t moved house with a partner before, Rules suggests we “create staged deadlines for things to be completed”, so that we can tick things off and minimise our stress in a methodical way.

One of the reasons moving house is so overwhelming, is because of all the unexpected things that pop up along the way, so if you have a plan of action, then you can feel more in control in a situation that is inherently packed with spontaneous hurdles.

Order Your Packing

According to Rules, you should start by packing early with things you won’t need, such as books, most of the kitchen, most of the lounge room, etc — as they are less stressful/emotional, but also make you feel as though you’ve accomplished a lot.

By ordering your packing, you can pack most of your belongings stress-free and leave the difficult bits, such as the wardrobe (that potentially also needs a spring clean), ’til last. Therefore, by the time you get to the stressful stuff, you’re already over halfway done.

Become a Label Queen

Being organised at a time like this feels nearly impossible, however, by simply “marking your boxes properly, so you know what’s in them at both ends”, you can put them in the right rooms at your new place, making the unpacking way less complicated and messy.

Keep the Communication Flowing

“Keep communicating with each other — even if it seems too much,” says Rules. “Over-communicating is better than under-communicating!”

If you’re feeling stressed, tell your partner. It’s way better than just losing the plot on them, and can help them to understand why you might be a bit low in energy or less patient than usual.

Ask For Help

“Everyone struggles with moving — ask friends or family to give you a hand with packing, bringing you a meal, or looking after children or pets while you pack. Just make sure you’re willing to return the favour,” Rules says.

Never underestimate the power of asking for help. Sometimes them even just being there, their presence, lowers the stress level as you naturally take the stress, attention and pressure off your partner and allow yourself to just relax for a moment.